


I Can’t Look At Your Skin

by st4rsh1ne



Category: Blur (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28189521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st4rsh1ne/pseuds/st4rsh1ne
Summary: Graham has to address some feelings he has about Damon.
Relationships: Damon Albarn/Graham Coxon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	I Can’t Look At Your Skin

**Author's Note:**

> just a fair warning, this fic is old and a bit fast-paced as i was rushing to finish it back when i wrote it lmao but other than that i still like it and think it holds up!! so i hope you enjoy!!! <333

That night, the only audible sound was the beating of his heart inside of his chest.

Graham couldn’t fall asleep.

It was as if every thought he’d ever had in his life had suddenly come back to prevent him with all their might from falling asleep. the room was so quiet but his brain was so loud.

He covered his eyes with his hands in frustration.

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him?

It was strange how everything had seemed to happen so fast. the cameras were in his face, he’d been drinking, Damon was there...he asked him for a kiss...for some reason...and he got one.

The scene played over in his mind on repeat like a broken record.

Damon kissed him.

He hated thinking about it. he hated the fact that it was so late and instead of sleeping he was up thinking about his best friend kissing him...and the fact that he almost sort of liked it.

No, he scolded himself. i’m not gay. especially not for Damon.

Was he just telling himself that?

No, it had to be true. it had to be. if he developed feelings for Damon, it would most certainly ruin their friendship. he’d just be setting himself up for disaster. Damon could have any girl in the world. why on earth would he want to be with him?

He shook his head. he had to realize that sooner or later.

He closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair tensely. slowly, he began to drift off into a light sleep, the only place his anxiety couldn’t follow him.

Until the next day, that is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Graham awoke to the phone ringing, a sound that he didn’t always like hearing, especially this early in the morning.

Nevertheless, he let out one final tired groan then extended his hand to pick up the phone.

“Hello?” he grumbled.

“Where in the hell are you??” an annoyed voice replied.

Sigh. It was just alex. Why had graham almost hoped it would be Damon?

“I’m gonna be late comin’ in for practice,” Graham grumbled again. He wasn’t in the mood for anything just yet.

For a brief moment, he could hear someone talking in the background on Alex’s end. “What’s that?” Alex answered the voice talking. “Yeah, it’s Graham. the git’s overslept again.”

He huffed, more than ready to hang up. “Oh, come off it. I’ll be right over.” With that, he hung up and began to get ready. As he dressed, he wondered who the voice had belonged to in the background. He silently hoped that it wasn’t Damon, or Damon didn’t hear alex say it, because it really would make Graham a little embarrassed.

But oh well.

In around 10 minutes, he’d already gotten ready and driven over to Damon’s house, where the rest of the band was practicing for their show that following night.

He tried not to draw too much attention to himself as he came through the door with his guitar. However, that didn’t go quite as planned.

“Look who decided to drop in!” Dave joked.

“He’s fashionably late,” Alex rolled his eyes as he tuned his bass.

“Oh, leave him alone, at least he showed up!” The fourth member to which the house belonged to finally entered the room, immediately meeting Graham’s gaze with a light smile. “I am glad you came, Graham.”

Graham felt his heart flutter, but he looked away without saying anything. He knew he’d say something stupid if he did.

Damon’s smile faded when he looked away, like the sudden actions had just hurt his feelings slightly. Still, he tried not to let it show. “Well...i think we can start now.”

And so they did.

The boys spent most of the day together; practicing, hanging out, joking around at some points, doing what they all usually loved to do together. But things were different today. Graham tried his best to not look at Damon. He spoke to him occasionally, but he tried his hardest not to make eye contact. He had to get rid of the feelings that were arising. He figured it was the only way. But he was getting a feeling that damon was getting suspicious. How long would it be until he said something? Would he even say something?

The whole practice session had lasted until the sun was beginning to go down. Soon afterwards, everyone began to head back home, bidding each other farewell until tomorrow. Graham was about to do just that until he heard a voice that stopped him.

“Graham, can i talk to you a second?”

“O-oh, sure."

Oh boy.

Dave and Alex were already gone as Graham turned his back on the door to finally get a look at Damon.

He looked tired, yet youthful. his hair looked slightly messy, but other than that he looked the same as always. But there was just one thing.

His eyes, as they met Graham’s, looked so sad.

“Look...is there a reason you’ve been acting so weird today?”

Graham’s eyes widened slightly as his cheeks turned a light shade of red. “Weird? How?”

“You barely said a word the whole day. You wouldn’t even look at me half the time.” His eyes looked into the other man’s. “What’s the matter?”

Graham couldn’t look away this time. He wanted so much to take his eyes off of him but he couldn’t no matter how hard he tried.

He had the prettiest blue eyes.

He had to say something. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Damon looked like he didn’t really believe that. “No, there’s got to be something up. You don’t normally act this way.”

“I’m serious, nothing is wrong. What, is it so abnormal for everyone to not always be looking at you??"

He’d imagined that last part to be a joke, but it did not come out sounding that way at all.

Damon frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. “You don’t have to be an ass about it!”

Now graham was getting defensive. “You brought it up!”

“Because i cared, you prick!” Damon snapped back.

“Just forget about it!"

“Fine! i will!”

The room was silent for a moment as the two looked at each other, fire in their eyes. Suddenly, Graham’s gaze softened.

Why had he just said all that?

Damon turned away, not even wanting to look at him. He looked like he was about to walk away, but Graham stepped forward and grabbed his wrist, keeping him from doing so.

The sudden movement caused his head to look back towards Graham’s, their eyes meeting once again.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Not knowing exactly why he decided to do so, he leaned in a couple more inches...

...And then he kissed him.

The room was so silent aside from the sound of Graham’s heart pounding. Damon’s lips felt so soft as they were pressed against his. It only lasted for a couple seconds, but somehow, miraculously, Damon never pulled away.

Until Graham did, when he finally realized what he’d just done.

The silence was practically deafening as Damon just stood in the same place, his eyes holding a shocked expression.

“...Bloody hell,” he finally said breathlessly.

This was awful. This was a disaster. Why did he just do that? What was wrong with him? “Oh god,” was all he could let out. “Oh god, Damon, I’m so sorry.”

“Graham-“ Damon reached out his hand, but in a flash, Graham was gone.

Not another word was spoken, as not another word existed to describe it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It stayed that way until the next day.

Their show was that night. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people were going to be there. Earlier that day they had to practice like their life depended on it. And now, as they stood backstage waiting for their time to go out, they hoped it would pay off.

Graham and Damon hadn’t spoken all day. Dave and Alex obviously caught on that something had gone wrong, but each time either of the two tried to ask one of them about it, they’d both shrug it off.

Strange...but there was no time to think about it now. It was time.

As they took the stage, the cheers of what had to be at least a couple thousand people filled their ears. It was hard to focus on much of anything else.

In an instant, they were performing “She’s So High”. On his guitar, Graham never missed a note, even though his mind was off elsewhere during the whole show. He watched Damon as he moved around lively on stage, practically kissing the microphone as he sang his beautiful melody into it. He loved watching him sing. but today, it filled him with a sense of sadness.

He cursed himself for screwing everything up. Damon’s friendship was so important to him, and he’d gone and messed it up. And for what? Just because his brain had to make him catch feelings for him?

The music played on.

“She’s so high, i want to crawl all over her.”

Graham sighed.

As the song ended, the rest of the night seemed to last an eternity. He hated the atmosphere on stage. Everything felt so awkward. He couldn’t wait to get out of there.

And when the show ended, he tried to.

“Graham!”

His walking grew even faster as he heard the voice call to him.

“Graham, please listen!”

His heart was beating rapidly as the exit was almost in sight...

He felt a hand grab his wrist. He stopped, but he didn’t turn around.

“Please look at me.”

Letting out a long sigh, his gaze traveled to the sad eyes that were upon him.

He hadn’t seen Damon that sad for a long time.

In an instant, Graham was in tears, burying his face in his hands.

“No, don’t cry...” Damon brought him into an embrace, wrapping his arms around him.

“I-I ruined everything, Damon! I’m a fucking idiot!”

Calmly, he brought up a hand and lifted Graham’s chin so he could look at him. “No, graham, you’re lovely.”

Graham sniffed, his eyes peering into Damon’s. “W-what?”

“You’re lovely. You’re really lovely.” their faces were only inches apart.

His breath hitched. “Damon..”

Without another word spoken, he brought Graham in closer, their lips colliding.

They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, and neither were complaining. They felt their worries melt away into the evening air. Everything was okay.

When they finally broke apart, neither said anything for a split second.

“U-um..” Damon stuttered, looking away. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t handle it well.”

“Neither did I,” Graham laughed softly. “I started the whole thing.”

He smiled for a second, then looked away again. “Well...I thought about it a while, and...” He looked back at him. “I've fancied you for a while, actually.”

His eyes widened. “R-really?”

Damon nodded. “And...I guess, if you hate me now, I won’t blame you-“

“Are you kidding?” he grinned, giving him a tight hug, then looked back up at him. “I love you, Damon.”

And so it goes.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact this fic was written one year ago on my notes app LMFKDNDNSJXN and i just thought i’d share it since it hasn’t seen the light of day since and maybe someone might appreciate it lmao thanks for reading everyone!!! i hope you enjoyed!!! :] <3333 should i write more gramon in the future??? let me know!!!!! :D


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